You’re not unprofessional – you’re “fun”-professional!

Some places (mostly in TV and movies) have “Bring Your Child to Work” days. Some have “Bring Your Dog to Work” days. One place I used to work even had a “Bring Your Baby Elephant With a Clown Wig To Work” day (which I thought was weird, but we had, like, three people with clown-wigged … Continue reading You’re not unprofessional – you’re “fun”-professional!

The aborted pursuit of Little League glory

Baseball is the greatest sport of all time. If you say football, I will fight you. (And you’ll probably win because you played football). Hey—OUCH!—my fingers don’t bend like that! Fine, football is better! This is not off to a good start. Goddamn football players. Anyway, baseball is one of the greatest sports of all time. Some … Continue reading The aborted pursuit of Little League glory

The Devastating Effects of a Poorly Executed Cannonball

Summertime is my favorite time of year for a million reasons. First of all, I hate winter. So any day I get to spend dripping with sweat instead of driving through snow is a good one in my book. Secondly, what’s not to like? There’s baseball, cookouts, fireworks, backyard games, shorts and sandals, beaches, bikinis, … Continue reading The Devastating Effects of a Poorly Executed Cannonball

This is Not a Midlife Crisis

Being a kid is where it’s at. When I think back to when I was, say, nine years old, the world was a different place. When I was nine, all I knew about was the Ninja Turtles and the Super Mario Brothers, and all I cared about was Otter Pops, Superman movies, and Roald Dahl books. I never got overdue bills with my name on them; I got birthday cards with five dollars in them. When I was nine, police officers never asked me if I knew why they pulled me over; they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I never worried about where my food and clothing was going to come from; it was just there. And when I was nine, grown-ups all thought I was cute and Santa Claus was still real. I want to go back to THAT life. This is NOT a midlife crisis.